I once had a co-worker named Linda. She said crazy things. My co-worker Jen and I wrote these sayings down, because we felt the need to chronicle her statements. Enjoy!
On Tiers
"Multi-tiered, right? You know what I'm saying?"
On _______
"I want to make sure that people are welcome to . . . its just that i'm not sure if Pam . . . your laptop will be available to you.
On Gender
"He's a 'he'.
On Wherever They Are
"They want you to spend a lot of time travelling to the clients house . . . or their business. Wherever they are, so to speak."
On Lung Capacity
"One guy, he was the administrator of the project that I was working on when I was working for that industry (ALL IN ONE BREATH!)"
On Recognizability
"I didn't need a badge there, even after they tightened security, and my friend said, 'Linda, you didn't even need a badge?' and I said 'No, I would just go up to security and smile at them or whatever and they would let me through.' And she said, 'They tightened security, girl!'"
On Other People's Thoughts
"I've just been up here talk to ---- and she's happy about tomorrow and she's coming."
On chinese restaurants
"I like the hot tea that they have. I like the hot tea. I like the hot tea. They have little tea cups. I like the hot tea."
On Logging Out
"Please exercise your logout protocol"
On Redundancy
"(Answers Phone). Hi, Linda ******:
(pause)
I was just getting ready to send you a REALLY NICE email...
(pause)
ha ha ha ha... in fact I'm just going to hit the send button right now."
On Good Lunch
(Whispering to Jeff as she walks by)
"Having your lunch, ha?
Having your lunch, ha?
Jeff: (loudly, aggrivated) I'm sorry, WHAT?!
Having your lunch, ha?
Good stuff. Good stuff. You always have the best lunch."
On Instructional Technology
(Instructing another professor)
"Now, close that window.
The bottom X.
The bottom X.
The bottom X."
(Said in less than 4 seconds)
On Portable Log-In Sheets
"I'm handing out this log-in sheet, and this is something that you can take with you at any time."
On Where the Dot Goes
"The site is www6.ltu.edu and the hardest thing about putting it in is where the "dot" goes. The dot goes after the six."
On Connections
"It might be longer to load up on this computer because there's a little bit of connection that has to go on."
On Initials
"K for your first initial, right? ( Keith nods) Cause sometimes people have a different initial then their name. So "K" isn't it? For Keith, right?"
On Looking Good
"How do I know it looks as good as it's going to?"
On Updating
"You know how you update something but you don't know if it happened? Ha Ha. You're like, did it do anything?"
On Clean Resources
"They're getting a lot of resources that will be very clean."
On Getting Started
"The hardest part is always logging in. It's like getting the keys to your car and just going. Ha Ha."
On Things that Hurt your Eyes
"(Explaining the VITRC picture.) I'm right here. Linda ******."
On A Syllabus
"I'm gonna post in what I like to call a syllabus."
On Server-Land
"It's on a server, you know, like an electronic world in there, you know."
On Users
"The students, or who I like to call the users for your course."
On Taking Up Space
"I guess the word is: it takes up a lot of space. Like a server drain."
On Getting Started
"The hardest part is always logging in. It's like getting the keys to your car and just going. Ha Ha."
On _________
"I tell the people, do they know it? No but I can write a really nice report. Ha Ha Ha."
On Registered Students
"As they're registered, or what we call pop-u-late-ed."
On Going Back
"Just go back now, here, right here, and, yeah, go back."
On Those Days
"I remember those days. You had to type and do different things and . . . save."
On Photos
"If you have a photo of yourself in digital form, or we have a digital camera and I guess I could take your picture pretty easily."
On Vending Machines
"I want everyone to add a pool here. Add a pool. It'll be nice."
On strange sentences
"...cause I'm not a real big person in that."
On Being SHY AND QUIET
"HIHOWAREYOU. I'm very outgoing. Outgoing. I LOVE to greet people and talk to them. (Man mentions shy and quiet). SHY and MERUIEIWW. MERIOUWRWW. (Then she makes noises that cannot be transliterated in the English language). ... and quiet. quiet. quiet. Quiet. Quiet. QUIET!!! SHY AND QUIET!!! I AM SHY AND QUIET!!!"
[Everyone in the room lets out a collective: "Where the FUCK did she come from. What the fuck?"]
On hanging up
"I just clicked hang up. I hung up on her. I just clicked hang up, I clicked hang up. That's all I did."
On how to have your pregnant wife go into labor
"There should just be a lot of people interacting with her in the house and it will happen, she will have it, it will happen. Just get people over. Have a lot of things going on and it will happen."
PART TWO
[Yelled across the room to the embarassed guy who is trying to get the hell out of here:] "Oh, and Trace, remember what I said: Lots of social interaction. It will start it up. LOTS OF SOCIAL INTERACTION."
On price tags
"They're just packin' them in with big price tags. BIG price tags."
On breaking
"They're just packin' them in with big price tags. BIG price tags."
On price tags
"I just thought 'Oh my god, where are we at?' because I thought we were breaking, here."
On lunch
"...and feel free to orient yourself to the sandwiches over there."
On sandwiches
L: "What are these? What's this one? Are there any vegetable ones? Is this one vegetable?"
J: "No, it's turkey"
L: "Oh, crap." (Said because it's already on her plate. Then she had to have another one, after she ate the turkey one, because she didn't like the turkey.)
On big names
"Big name, big name, Jennings. (Guy is talking) Big name. (Guy talking) There's money on that guy."
On humor
"We'll impress you with our jokes. Our jokes. Ha ha ha."
On hands being tied by servers
"As an instructional person, hands are tied. It doesn't matter how we prepare. It's the server."
PART TWO
"It doesn't matter how well architected the tool is. The tool is. If we can't get it to run."
On disrespectful turnouts
"It was a very disrespectful turnout today. Disrespectful to Pam. That's what I'm telling you. (Paula tries to speak.) That's what I'm telling you. What I'm telling you."
On borrowing shirts
[Yesterday Linda said to Philip:] "I like your shirt. Yeah I like it. Let me see the back. Ooh, nice color."
Then she said, "If it was smaller . . . " out loud, [very loud]. Then she whispers to Jen [petite female, Philip's girlfriend], "you could borrow it!"
On polishing nails when the network is down
"...That's how things are today, if you know what I mean. These times, you know, i don't know, you know what I'm saying, I mean, polishing your nails, you know, ha ha, I guess people just don't think about things, but come on, that's sort of I don't know . . . "
...more to be added later!